“Relational Trauma Requires Relational Healing”

Photo by Christy Ku

“Relational trauma requires relational repair” - Dr Karen Treisman, Clinical Psychologist

I came across this quite a few months ago and it’s been on my mind ever since.

There is only so much healing you can do alone - people need people. We need to build safe, meaningful relationships in order to fully heal.

At first, I thought “what the ass-crackery is this."

"I got hurt *by people* and now to heal I have to form bonds *with people*??”

People like to throw out the concept of Kintsugi - the Japanese art of putting broken pottery together again with gold to celebrate flaws. Sometimes it’s a lovely metaphor, sometimes it’s a way of romanticising damage.

I did a lot of healing this year, but I realised I had hit a point. I needed other people, but I didn’t think I could handle another betrayal, another devastation.

I’d love to say I was proven wrong, that it was perfectly safe to open up and rely on others. It wasn’t, and the ground opened up.

This time as I fell again, I was able to say to the abyss; “I know you. I’ve seen you before. This is going to hurt but I survived last time, and I’ll survive again.”

Breaking sucks. Some days, I think I’m more gold than clay.

But my god, it’s worth the risks and the falls to know that not only am I loved by myself, but I am loved by others.